Today is Election Day–marking the end of a long and extremely contentious campaign season.
Over the last few months I’ve seen a lot of positive political passion expressed on Facebook and Twitter (which will hopefully manifest itself in actual votes–yay democracy!), but I’ve also seen a lot of anger and arrogance.
If there’s one thing people get really up in arms about, it’s politics.
I’ve seen otherwise civil and pleasant conversations degenerate into virtual screaming matches, and fairly moderate people start leaning towards extremes, just to get a leg up in the argument.
Which got me to thinking–if politics can drive such a wedge between friends, what kind of effect does it have on relationships?
Last month, The Huffington Post ran an article about how difficult it is for Republican men to date in Washington D.C., a notoriously liberal city.
“I need to feel emotionally connected to someone and I can’t if they are mean-spirited and do not give a damn about the poor, as most Republicans are,” the article quotes someone as saying.
As simplistic as that may seem, it touches on something important–feeling emotionally connected to someone, and how that can be threatened by your partner not caring about the things you care about.
I asked a friend if she thought it was sustainable to date someone with whom you disagree politically, and she said no, qualifying her answer by adding that depends how much both people care about politics. “If either of you cares a lot, it won’t work. If no one cares it’s fine. But those people are dumb.”
I agree with her. Apathy might bridge the divide between political views, but the minute someone starts to care about something the other person doesn’t, it can cause problems.
I’m a staunch democrat–far more liberal than many of my friends–and my dating history tends to reflect that. I generally date guys with whom I feel ideologically aligned, especially if I have hopes of it becoming more serious.
Have I slept with my fair share of probably republican investment bankers? Sure–but I never expected to marry them.
I’ve had one serious relationship with someone who was decidedly more to my right, politically, and although we always did it civilly, we often disagreed. I remember one particularly intense argument about the issue of gay couples adopting children. He thought it was “wrong” and “unnatural,” while I argued that it’s not our place to take away the right to be parents from couples who want nothing more than to nurture, care for, and love a child, especially when any two heterosexual crackheads can fuck, get knocked up, and become parents with no obstacles.
Ultimately the relationship ended–for a host of other reasons–but our divergent political views were definitely a not insignificant factor.
At this point, I don’t think I could seriously date someone who was more conservative than me. There are too many things I feel strongly about for me to spend my life with someone who disagrees.
First of all, I’m an argumentative person, and I’d like to avoid gratuitous fights with the person I love. Secondly, I don’t think I would be ok with knowing that my partner’s vote was directly counteracting what mine was trying to achieve. Lastly, and most importantly, there’s no way I could ever have and raise children with someone whose values about fundamental things like social justice, civil rights, and individual freedoms differed from mine.
I have a lot of admiration and respect for couples who make it work–frankly, I have no idea how they do it. That kind of lifelong point of contention is something I want to avoid for my family.
That said, until I start a family, I’ll continue to be an equal opportunity dater–at least as long as those investment bankers are buying my drinks.
Would you date someone whose political views differed from yours?
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