Dear Olivia,
Now, we’ve all heard it’s not the size of the wave but the motion of the ocean. Right? I mean, let’s be honest, certainly size matters–especially for girls that enjoy fornical orgasms or get some benefit from a guy that’s particularly girthy for the little bit extra stimulation. On the other hand, some girls are paralyzed with pain if you hit the back, and many NEED clitoral stimualtion to enjoy themselves, while others still find their clit to be easily oversensitized.
Certainly, all girls are different, but my questions concerns this motion. Is there any motion that’s really simply better? I mean, pacing is important, knowing how to break up the tempo, knowing how to react to her escalation of pleasure, but I think there’s more to it than this. Certainly you can move your hips side to side, up and down, you can easily switch up positions–but what more? What is this motion that makes one fellow so much more enjoyable than the next? Is it merely paying attention to each girl’s individual needs, or are there techniques that will mostly always help increase her pleasure?
I appreciate any feedback you may have to offer!
Dan
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Hi Dan,
I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but no, there isn’t any one motion that’s simply better. That would be like asking if there’s one food that’s simply better.
We all have our own favorite foods. And all women like to be fucked differently.
There are certainly some things that are bad across the board, but that’s not what your question is about, so I won’t go down the road of “What Not To Do.”
You asked, “What is this motion that makes one fellow so much more enjoyable than the next?”
It’s not necessarily a single move that makes one guy better than the next. It’s a combination of factors, only a few of which you have control over. Yes, you can go side to side, up and down, and otherwise test the limits of three dimensional movement. But ultimately what makes sex good is chemistry, and how badly both people want to be there.
One part of chemistry is that either-you-have-it-or-you-don’t connection that makes you want to jump in bed together in the first place. Another part is the skill that’s required to make her want to stay in bed with you once you get her there.
What comes before sex is arguably just as important as sex itself for a lot of women. Our bodies don’t just react to penetration, they react to a host of stimuli that prepare us for pleasurable penetration.
You want to get her so turned on before you start fucking her that she can’t wait to have you inside of her. And at that point it might not even matter what you do because everything will feel great.
And I’m not just talking about the requisite five minutes of going down on her. I’m talking about turning on her entire body, hitting all her erogenous zones, and teasing her until she’s vibrating with desire.
Try doing this in a way that playfully takes her agency away. (To be clear, don’t ever cross the line into non-consent.) But maybe hold her hands still above her head as you touch her, so that she can’t distract herself by touching you back. Light restraint stops her from being able to participate fully, which only accentuates the eroticism of having whatever you’re doing done to her.
As for what moves work during sex, let her lead. She knows best how to use your body to make her body feel good, so follow her cues and rhythm. And if she likes it (some women find it distracting) find a way to work in a little clitoral stimulation. If she’s on top, lightly place your hands on her upper thighs and press a thumb against her clitoris so she can rock into it as she moves. If you’re doing it doggie style, reach around to touch her with one hand, the other on her hip to keep steady.
But the very best move? Ask her. She’s the only one who knows what her favorite move is. It might be a little weird for her to verbalize what turns her on, especially if you haven’t talked about it, but good communication is the bedrock of any successful sexual relationship, so breaking the ice might be the best place to start. If it helps, share something with her first, and then ask her to do the same.
Beyond this, I can’t really speak to what will make you stand out from other guys. Just take your time, be generous, and be attentive. And if you get lost, don’t be afraid to ask for directions.
Olivia
P.S. Happy National Orgasm Day!
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