Ask Olivia!
Welcome back to for another round of Ask Olivia!, where I field questions from readers and share my thoughts and—hopefully useful—advice.
Q: Are video games unsexy?
A: In and of themselves, they aren’t unsexy. Videogames are just that—games—and everyone loves games of some kind of another. What can be unsexy is a guy’s relationship with videogames. Unlike other games, like board games or card games, video games are more of an escape from reality. And they tend to be much more addictive; I’ve never met a guy who’s gone on a twelve hour Bridge binge.
Sure, in moderation, video games are a great de-stresser. The same way a girl might come home and put on a few episodes of the trashy reality TV show du jour, a guy might come home after a long day at work and want to unwind with a few rounds of shooting stuff. But there’s a difference between recreational use and dependent use. I love reading a trashy magazine every now and then, but my nightstand is stacked with real books. And I expect the same from the men I date.
Guys who use video games to escape their reality are unsexy. No girl wants a guy who is more focused on shooting imaginary Russian mobsters or stealing imaginary cars than on her. It makes the guy seem immature and the girl feel unwanted. Video games can also be a bit infantilizing, in that the very act of playing them removes you from being able to do anything else—usually productive things that need to be done during that very same free time. This essentially reduces you to a child-like status, someone who needs to be taken care of by whoever is picking up the slack responsibility-wise, a roommate, girlfriend, or wife. And that is definitely unsexy.
Q: How soon is too soon when introducing a partner to your friends?
A: Sorry to have to give you a non-answer, but it really depends. I’ve dated guys whose friends I met within three dates, guys whose friends I went months without meeting, and guys whose friends I never met. It depends on what “meeting the friends” means to you and what it means to your partner. For certain people it’s a sort of relationship milestone, like meeting the parents, and often a highly orchestrated—and sometimes contrived—event. For others it’s a non-issue. You ask what they’re up to later, they’re doing something casual with friends, and they invite you along. No muss, no fuss.
If the relationship itself is casual, I think the friend meeting is usually more casual. “Hey, this is the guy I’m seeing,” is much more noncommittal than, “Hey, this is my new boyfriend.” It also depends on your friends, and how much you can trust them to not pull a, “So, how long have you guys been together.” Nothing like someone else’s faux pas to force you to have a conversation you weren’t ready for—especially with an audience.
I think the best way to make the introduction is in a group setting. Inviting the person you’re seeing out to do something with a bunch of friends—preferably something interactive, like game night, or a party—is the best way to take the pressure off both of you. And just introduce them by name; no need to label things too soon.
A good rule of thumb is to wait until after you’ve slept together to introduce them, because then you’re more likely to be on the same page about where the relationship is going, or at least where it is.
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