I’ve lived in half a dozen cities and each one has had its own vibe and its own personality. And so have the people living in them. From slight changes in customs to major language differences, what you learn about dating in one city won’t necessarily help you in another.
Today Thom Greenwood—a chap lucky enough to have lived (and dated) in both London and New York—will take us on a little stroll through the pros and cons of finding romance in these two cities.
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London vs. New York
By Thom Greenwood
London and New York: the two beating hearts of the English-speaking world. You’ve given us Seinfeld, the Daily Show and much more besides. Thank you. In return, we’ve gladly let you take Piers Morgan off our hands. Sorry about that.
Now, as an Englishman spending some time in Manhattan, I thought the dating game would be pretty similar on both sides of the pond.
How wrong I was.
Let me explain. First, there’s the art of finding a partner in crime. London presents a particular challenge. Our unwritten social rule is that if you don’t know someone, you don’t speak to them; it’s practically illegal to make eye contact with a stranger on the subway. In fact, the majority of girls who have asked for my number on a London train have been either American or Canadian.
Whilst London does have bars, most people spend their nights either at a pub—distinctly unsexy—or a nightclub, where “getting to know you” takes a more direct, and transient, form. This means the pool of people for new dates largely comprises of those you already know socially, work colleagues, or—if you’re desperate—distant relatives.
Whilst you New Yorkers think of your city as the land of hardened souls, I’ve found myself getting into many more friendly chats with strangers here. And when these chats are with pretty and intelligent girls, things tend to progress smoothly.
Online dating is different too. Yes, girls on both sides of the Atlantic have the joy of the topless male torso self-photographed in a bathroom mirror to look forward to, but I think online dating is more commonly accepted in the States than in the UK. Perhaps this is because you’re much more relaxed about seeing several people on the go—the key for this is to meet as many new folk as possible, plus a lot of stamina. English dating is more ‘form an orderly queue,’ making people more cautious about meeting someone off the web, for fear of displacing other potential leads.
What’s more, American profiles are full of achievements, dreams, and pictures of you doing something exciting. You proudly display which Ivy League school you went to on a sweatshirt, and half of you are in the middle of writing your first book.
The UK suffers from inverse snobbery, so people play down their achievements, or—more disingenuously—look to find ways to co-incidentally drop them into conversation. You talk about your values (if only to deter Republicans), we like to make out we have none. For someone like me—who finds an ambitious and opinionated girl a huge turn-on—this makes it that little bit harder to see whether someone is a good match online.
Finally, the date itself! In the UK, the general social awkwardness noted above usually requires early recourse to alcohol, a bit of mumbling or braying that passes as dialogue (depending on your social class), and hopefully the inebriated stumbling towards first-date sex. The morning after, you peer across the bed with trepidation and decide that instant whether it would be less embarrassing to run for your life, or pencil in the obligatory meeting of the parents and book the church. Nothing in-between will do.
Of course this will occasionally happen in every city, but in New York, I’ve found people are a lot more relaxed about first dates—it’s accepted that you’ll also be seeing other people, and the aim is to come across with a sufficient level of disinterest to maintain attraction until you actually are disinterested, or can no longer muster the energy to maintain the ‘hard-to-get’ front.
What happens when Brits and Americans collide?
Well, praise the lord for the accent. I’m not quite sure why you love it, but I’m not complaining. However, I’m still trying to work out why you’re so obsessed with the Oxford Comma (co-incidentally named after my alma mater). And—given our tendency to talk nonsense with a straight face—the girls I’ve dated are probably still trying to work out whether it’s true that I’m 913th in line to the throne. I’ll tell you later.
Oh, I expect you’re also dying to know the most important fact of all! Yes, yes, you’re generally more fun in bed. Take a bow. Let’s just say I’ve been impressed with the mix of enthusiasm and imagination. It’s interesting, too, that the American girls I’ve slept with agree with only mild prompting that the English make fantastic lovers.
To keep things scientific, I make sure to ask each at the same time: just as she’s nearing orgasm. Some can’t stop repeating their affirmative response.
Pretty solid proof, you have to admit.
I’m not looking for a serious relationship in the States, so it’s difficult for me truly to compare the relative merits of London versus New York. You would think from the above that I much prefer the scene over here, and I think for casual dating that is undoubtedly true.
However, when it comes to finding someone special, I’m not so sure. You see, while I love New Yorkers’ incessant drive to succeed, when it comes to relationships, the cliché about the best being the enemy of the good can hold true. In a city this size, you think there has to be that perfect person out there, and given how easy it is to meet new and attractive members of the opposite sex, you have plenty of opportunity to see whether the next person is Mr. or Ms. Perfect.
But very rarely, if ever, is anyone ‘it.’
And in their awkward, stumbling way, Londoners seem more ready to accept this by settling for someone who is close enough.
Who is happier? Who knows. But at least your dating blogs are more entertaining!
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